By Diana Kelly

If you want to have more sex, better sex–heck, why not both—you’re going to have to ditch some bad habits, create boundaries in your career and home, and stop crash dieting.  Here are some everyday problems that could be putting the kibosh on your best sex life ever—and how to remedy each problem.

1. Your phone is an unwelcome threesome.

Whether your phone sits on the table next to you at dinner, is in your hands while watching TV with your partner, or you can’t stop playing Candy Crush in bed enough to notice that your guy’s been subtly putting the moves on you, you need a digital detox. Tell your partner that you’ll both designate certain nights of the week as “phone-free nights” so you can have conversations and quality time without interruptions. If you need another reason to get your phone out of the bedroom, researchers also say it’s a good idea to stop using electronics at least an hour before bed so the blue light emitting from them doesn’t interfere with your sleep.

2. Fido and Fluffy won’t leave the bed.

Having your cat or dog in your bed might make you feel calmer or safer, but your partner isn’t okay with them being there—or you feel like they’re cramping your love life—you might need to limit the time your bed spends in the bedroom. “Many of our successful couples have pets and many sleep with them,” says Elizabeth Schmitz, love and marriage expert who co-wrote Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage with Charles Schmitz, in an article she contributed to on “Some put the pets outside the bedroom because they don’t want them to watch,” she says. “Others give them a treat to distract them. Some don’t mind if the pet stays on the bed.” Charles Schmitz says what needs to be addressed first is how both people feel about the pet being there. “If one person is fine with the dog, but the other isn’t, then you’ve got a problem,” he says. “You absolutely have to talk about it and make sure both people are comfortable with the situation.” Make sure you snuggle with the less furry of your bedroom companions, the experts suggest. “The snuggling and the holding and the touching

[of your partner] is critical,” Elizabeth Schmitz says. “It’s one of the seven secrets of a successful marriage. It’s more important than sex.”

3. Your kids are in bed with you.

One-third of Swedish parents have sex while their infants are asleep in the same bed, according to a 2012 survey done in a Swedish magazine, reported by The article also mentioned that 59% of U.S. parents admitted to having sex at some time while an infant was in the room (which may be a crib on the other side of the room). Whether you have a young child who sleeps in your bedroom, or little ones who crawl into bed in the middle of the night, nothing puts a wet blanket on having a steamy sex life like being worried about kids hearing mom and dad “doing it.” If you can’t get the kids out of your bed just yet (yes, we understand that solution takes time), consider paying for childcare and renting a hotel room for the night with your partner so you can really let loose once in a while. And take advantage of impromptu sex when the kids out of the house for school or activities.

4. You can’t leave work at the office.

It’s important to create work-life boundaries so both areas of your life don’t suffer. If your cellphone or work emails are going off all night, your partner won’t feel like they’re important or that you’re in the here and now with them. I recently chatted with Barb Schmidt, author of The Practice, who recommends using symbolic lines, like leaving a briefcase or workbag in the car or a closet as soon as you get in, so you’re able to keep boundaries and they don’t flow into each other. She recommends telling yourself you’re going to be completely present at home for your partner and family. If you occasionally have to do work while at home, try to take care of it in another room and then join your partner for relaxation and conversation after you’ve handled your business affairs.

5. Your new diet is zapping your libido.

Whether you’re crash dieting to look better in your swimsuit by Friday, or have cut out all fat, carbs, fill-in-the-blank here, extra weight isn’t the only thing that’ll disappear — your libido might as well. “Any little thing can tilt your body out of whack, so it’s important to be knowledgeable about what you’re doing so you can keep your body stable and happy,” says Dr. Sadie Allison, founder of; in an interview I did with her for “For a healthy libido, you need to keep your whole body healthy so it can work properly on its own.” Instead of opting for a fad diet, check in with your doctor and consider consulting a nutritionist to ensure your diet is balanced, healthy, and providing the nutrients you need to perform—in the bedroom and out.

6. Your antidepressant is to blame.

While your doc may have prescribed antidepressants to help with anxiety, depression, or stress issues you’ve been suffering from lately, sexual side effects are common with antidepressants in both men and women, according to Side effects vary depending on the person, antidepressant they’re taking and dosage, but in men, they frequently cause erectile dysfunction, and in women, they may cause vaginal dryness and decreased sensation in the genitals—making it difficult to orgasm. If the side effects don’t subside after a few weeks, talk to your doc to see if he/she can prescribe a different antidepressant, decrease your dosage, or, you may want to have sex before you take your daily dosage to see if that changes the outcome.