How to Discuss Sex Toys with Your Partner
Let’s say your spouse is conservative. They are not eager to try new things and find the missionary position totally satisfying. Trying to introduce a sex toy to someone who likes the limits of what they already know is not easy. It is doubly hard if he or she is uneasy about the idea of sex toys or using anything that isn’t attached to the body.
Still, there is a way. And there is a way to discuss it that will make your partner comfortable and open to the idea. Mention how you read somewhere (how about here?) that an expert said vibrators and other sex toys help women orgasm easier, enjoy sex more and, here’s the important part, build intimacy, enabled by the sacred trust that only two committed people can have with one another. In other words, you want to make sure that your partner knows that using sex toys is actually something that can be best enjoyed as a couple.
You can make this compelling argument even more effective if you actually need the help of a vibrator. If you have trouble achieving orgasm during intercourse, or it takes you so long to climax that it feels like a marathon rather than a love making session, you can make a good argument for additional help. If this is you (and this is a lot of people) you can emphasize how you need the orgasm with them, but it is hard for you to do, and a sex toy makes it much easier, (but does not replace him, nor make the moment less intimate). In fact, it can free you both up to enjoy sex more because he (and you) don’t have to worry about how long it’s going to take for you to climax.
So here’s the tactic. You emphasize that this is an intimate, loving addition to your love-making and that you want to do this with him because you trust him and his desire for you to enjoy sex. You can also emphasize that it can be hard (as it is for many women) to have an orgasm without spending a lot of time at it. And sometimes all that time and effort actually distracts both of you from the fun and sweetness of having sex together. You can throw in, if your partner would like it, that two thirds of couples use vibrators and you’d really like to see why they rave about it. You can also suggest that you two pick it out together, but if you think that would freak him out, say you will take care of finding one.
Even if your partner is not enthusiastic the first time you bring it up, wait a respectable amount of time, and then suggest it again, at a particularly close and happy moment. I bet they will ultimately want to please you and give it a try. And usually one try is enough to have you both agree that a vibrator is better for your relationship than a sex therapist!